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jmgr:

To: AGR

Date: September 30, 2008, 12:02 AM

Subject: pampatulog

hi aiks,

you forgot to call me today!

i hope you are through with your basketball hangover. i do not know if you read that rabeh applied in la salle after he graduated from philippine christian high school but was not considered because his high school grades did not meet the requirement needed to be eligible to take the admission test.***  oh well, that probably is destiny. maybe God really wants ateneo to win this time. matagal na rin hindi nagchampion. ha.ha.ha. at para sumaya ka. smile ka naman diyan, bok!

i have around 21 months left before i end my term as mayor. i need to find something to do. parang ikaw but in a different and limited way. if i can find work in manila, palagay ko mas mabuti siguro. magkakasama uli tayo. tricia will be in college by then. i need to be able to move on from naga and sort of put it behind me, lahat ng bagay problema, sama ng loob, kasiyahan saka intriga na rin. i’ve always loved naga pero parang mahirap na andito right after I finish my term. baka lumabas na ang natural (ha.ha.ha.) seriously, i do not think i will be happy with that setup (kahit temporary). sana lahat ganoon din para we can move on.

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jmgr:

There were two things I couldn’t bring myself to do after August: (1) watch video clips of Papa singing the karaoke, and (2) read emails he sent to me a few years back. Since the funeral, I’ve always wondered if it was ever truly possible to think about him without feeling heartbroken afterwards. But over time, I’ve realized (and have resigned to the fact) that when it comes to remembering him, joy and sadness are, indeed, intertwined and inseparable. So after months of putting it on hold, I finally decided to open my old yahoo mail account and archive his letters. (Watching the karaoke videos, on the other hand, was a personal feat I achieved sometime last month. Yay me.)

I’ve been spending the past couple of nights reading his emails, and it was like hearing his voice again. Some of them were so corny (ang yabang pa, because that was his way of showing affection to me). But there were also messages full of wisdom that I could only wish I had more “life experience” at the time he sent it because I probably would have appreciated it more.

Let this be the first of many entries documenting his letters to me. I will be posting them here occasionally and will try to leave them as raw and as unedited as possible (meaning with typo errors and wrong capitalization/punctuation; will only filter out the names of some people he mentioned). Enjoy the first one below :)

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We were all born not knowing who we are going to end up with, and that is the joy of life. We chase for happiness, for adventure, we chase for love. Just as kids run after their playmates, we too run after the one we love. We run after them not because they make us do it but because it is in them that we know we’re HOME.

As for me, I found my way home 6 years ago, the time when I got hospitalized after suffering from an injury during a basketball game. I found my home in a lady’s heart. The person who took care of me, the person I know who loved me, my one and only special nurse, Megan. Since then I know I was safe ashore.

Meeting her wasn’t the best circumstance I wanted to be in, in fact it was one thing I never really wanted to happen. But when I think about it, I could never thank God enough for getting me into that situation for it was there that I found the real purpose of my existence.

I was living a very busy life, balancing education, my love for sports and a rising career in show business. I stepped into the Collegiate league UAAP representing the prestigious Ateneo de Manila University. It was a hard but fun start of my college journey. I not only get to bring pride to my school, my family and fiends but I also get to enjoy the perks of being a star player.

Young man that I was, I also had the chance to show how naughty I am. I had a share of being grounded for breaking the rules, got knocked off along with other boys and a little share of cute girls around. Those were the times when eveything to me for play. Life for me was a game, and yes! I enjoyed playing it.

I was a normal student. Every day in school, I’d pay attention to class for grades’ sake. But I also make sue that I go to class with my youthful spirit. It was always a day t show my professors how smart I am and also how awful a student I could become.

I was a basketball star. Every basketball game was an avenue to make the whole country see how good I am with the sport I love. I choose to play  and like how the people cheer for me in every game. In all interviews I’d say that if it weren’t for the people cheering for me I won’t find any other inspiration to play the game well. Truth is, they actually don’t inspire me at all. I do everything for myself. I do it for the scholarship, for the money, for fame.

All my hard work for basketball paid off really early. Rookie of the Year was a visible proof to it, not to mention that I did a great part for the championship win on that same year.

I told myself that getting into the limelight was easy for me. During the next season, I was one of those layers the media were all looking at. By then, commercial offers were coming my way too. These are everything I wanted, everything I wished for.

But just like how I got to the top that easily, I also went down so fast.

I made a steal from a UST player, had a little rumble for the ball and when I was finally laying it up, he tried to block my way and I fell down, my right foot definitely out of control. It was an injury that came at worst time. In an instant, my coaches and teammates were all around me each of them discussing what to do.

I know the injury might mark the end of my career. But just as I thought everything was going to end for me. I never saw something worthwhile about to start and replace all worries I have. I found love.

suigeneris ♥

A student asked a teacher. “What is love ?”

The teacher said, “In order to answer your question. Go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

 The student went to the field, go through the first row and saw one big padi stalk, but he wondered….maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one… but thought may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.

 Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi was not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted !!!! So, he went back to the teacher with empty hands. 

The teacher told him, “…this is love… you keep looking for a better one, but when you realised later, you have already missed the person….” 

“What is marriage then ?” the student asked. 

The teacher said, “In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.” 

The student went to the corn field. This time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he felt satisfied, and come back to the teacher.

 The teacher told him, “this time you bring back a corn…. you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you got…. this is marriage.” 

suigeneris ♥

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He’s very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant’s confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant’s 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, “Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I’ll be alone. How lonely I’ll be!”

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, “I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No way!” replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant’s heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, “I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No!” replied the 3rd wife. “Life is so good over here! I’m going to remarry when you die!” The merchant’s heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, “I always turned to you for help and you’ve always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?” “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!” replied the 2nd wife. “At the very most, I can only send you to your grave.” The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : “I’ll leave with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.” The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, “I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !”

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it’ll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we’re alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it’s a good idea toCULTIVATE and STRENGTHEN it now rather than to wait until we’re on our deathbed to lament.

Care.Connect.Create

2012.

suigeneris ♥

I’ve learned-

that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-

that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-

that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-

that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-

that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-

that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-

that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-

that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-

that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-

that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-

that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-

that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-

that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-

that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-

that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-

that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-

that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-

that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-

that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-

that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-

that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-

that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-

that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-

that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-

that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-

that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-

that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-

that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-

that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-

that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-

that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-

that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-

that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-

that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-

that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-

that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-

that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-

that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

By Omer B. Washington

suigeneris ♥